From the standpoint of a graduate student, advisors are supposed to be superhuman. We are supposed to possess supreme knowledge of all things technical as well as academic, but also be well plugged into industry, federal funding agencies, and miscellaneous professional organizations. At the same time, we are supposed to be master psychologists and instinctively know what the student needs, provide advising when needed even if it is not asked for, be hands off when the student wants to be left alone, provide structure so the student has clear goals towards which to work, but also not be too demanding or smothering and instead allow the students to enjoy life, hobbies, and have the hours they want to work...
But, alas, advisors are only human. They have all the flaws that other humans have. Some of them -- the evilest of advisors, I am sure -- apparently seem to possess the sum of all the flaws that all the other humans have ever possessed in the history of mankind...
Yes, it can happen that a professor, perhaps a potential advisor, simply does not like you, and for no good reason at all. You just rub him or her the wrong way. Because that's what happens with humans; sometimes they just don't like you. Advisors are not supposed to let it affect their professional relationship with you, but you can bet your sweet behind that whether or not they like you is a real factor.
One thing that I really don't appreciate in people at all (and graduate students are people) is being too cocky. I understand it's often a cover-up for insecurities, but I don't care. There's being confident, and then there's being in other people's face with all your perceived awesomeness, and I just cannot stand it. I hate arrogant people. (The fact that they are the ones moving fastest and highest in my discipline tells you that I am unlikely to reach stratospheric professional heights. But I have my distaste for arrogance to keep me company here in the murky waters of mediocrity.)
There is a new student who is currently TA-ing with another department and is considering joining the group. He is well-qualified and on paper looks like a perfect match for my group. But, he has been rubbing me the wrong way from the get go (which wasn't that long ago). I know he shouldn't, he hasn't done anything wrong, but he does. He seems annoyingly confident and comfortable, just completely unfazed by starting grad school and in a new country at that. Even my American students are more apprehensive than him about the new experience, let alone my other international students. The world seems to be this dude's oyster and I fear he is going to be really hard to coach, as the attitude is that he already knows everything. I am about to graduate a student with the same attitude, but even that student he didn't start as cocky as this new kid... So I am on the fence about accepting this student into my group. I probably have to get to know him a bit first, to decide whether he's worth the hassle. The funniest thing is that, being so awesome, I don't think it's even in the back of his mind that I might not actually want to work with him; as far as he's concerned, it's all about him making "the choice that's right for him."
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How I hate the syntagma "I have to choose what is right for me/my family" cannot be described. It is such a pointless, bullshit phrase, and is terribly overused in some corners of the blogosphere; of course you are choosing what's best for you and not what's best for my college roommate's second cousin once removed. I hate that phrase about as much as the words "resource", "novel", "innovative" (especially when the latter two are used together), "program", and the word "impact" used as a verb. You know, like when we talk about how we are going to employ novel resources in our innovative program to impact broader audiences in novel and innovative ways (*shudder*), ways that were unimaginable without said resources within our freakin' resourceful, novel, innovative, and impactful program. Which is (obviously!) the best program you could possibly choose for you and your family.
13 comments:
Thanks for your post. There is lots of room on the long spectrum of "like.....dislike" as applied to people.
There are a lot of flavors of cocky: is the arrogance extremely superficial, to hide uncertainty that is able to be aired & discussed? Or does the person truly have no sense of their own gray areas?
You can state your priorities up front with people you work with. Perhaps:
"One of the things I value in myself and students is an ability to recognize our own mistakes and missteps so we can learn from them. This process is an important part of being a good scientist. In my lab group, I like to foster an environment of self-reflection. If your arrogance gets in the way of this, it will be a problem for me."
Also: thanks for the new word-- syntagma. I like it. The stock phrase "I have to choose what is right for my family" is code for "I choose not to share the truth."
Based on the way I keep getting stuck doing somebody else's service, I think it would be more accurate to say that I keep having to choose what is right for other people and their families.
Based on the difference between my salary and that of a few other cow-orkers, I think my Provost has also chosen what is right for those other people and their families.
So, no worries, I certainly will NOT be annoying you with the phrase "I have to choose what is right for me and my family."
Coming from a field in STEM where this kind of behaviour seems common and tolerated, I've had quite a few classmates and colleagues of this type. It almost always led into some sort of hassle to the point that the only solution was to avoid them and let them do their thing on their own. If something like this happens with a student however, I can imagine it could be quite a nightmare. I'd be therefore wary of accepting a student like this, so just my two cents (but, YMMV).
I don't know if this is a situation where you have a PhD position open and you are recruiting candidates? If so, do you have another candidate besides this student? If you do and the other one is good and "feels" better for you, I wouldn't even spare a thought for the cocky one and would simply refuse him.
If however this is a situation where he comes with the funding and with the right to choose his own advisor, then I guess it boils down to the question if you actually need to take him into your group or if you can afford to skip this "opportunity" and look for someone next year.
"I hate arrogant people. (The fact that they are the ones moving fastest and highest in my discipline tells you that I am unlikely to reach stratospheric professional heights. But I have my distaste for arrogance to keep me company here in the murky waters of mediocrity.)"
Oooh, I can relate to that!!
I'm not quite feeling how this dude is cocky. I know plenty of people, mostly young males, that would not perceive starting graduate school in a new country as being scary.
For me it would be an adventure, if it was a country of my choosing.
Can you contact his references to get a better feel of him?
I think you're being harsh on this student. Being confident and comfortable is a good thing, it shows maturity. I would think it's a huge improvement on someone who's insecure and unsure of their own work and needs constant hand-holding and resassurance. Besides, if he's an international student, maybe his attitude is cultural and you should take that into account.
@Anon: On what grounds do you equate confidence with maturity? I look at my older colleagues and for some, their confidence appears well-founded. Others, I consider borderline delusional.
Plus, confident and cocky are not synonyms.
You have good instincts - I would trust them.
Also, I've been reading your blog for a while and it's pretty clear you are many miles above the murky waters of mediocrity :)
I SO agree with all of this. I really, really can't stand cocky. I have an insecure student right now who is really pretty cocky. I can see right through it, and often feel sorry for her, but it does drive me nuts. And often, I don't like her. I feel kinda bad about it. I kicked the other really cocky student outa my lab last year. Best thing I ever did for my sanity. I didn't have any sympathy at all for him. He was just a jerk.
I've run into people who are cocky simply because they spent too much time as a big fish in a small pond. When the pond is too small, it's obvious you're the biggest fish because you have a skewed perspective. Some people don't realize they are now in a bigger pond and therefore don't react accordingly.
Or you're right and maybe he's just insecure.
Do you have some way to feel out his willingness to work with you? Could you do a small 'test' project to see how it works? I don't know if that's an option. If not, then probably best to go with your gut. I've often tried to talk myself into working with people who made me uncomfortable only to realize that I'd made a huge (in some cases, life-altering) mistake.
In my school, students are not pre-assigned an advisor, so there is no prior commitment.
My rule is to not even think twice when a potential student rubs me the wrong way.
I'd rather lose a good student this way, then end up with an annoying time-sink after ignoring my gut feeling.
There are many graduate students in the sea, and I can find others.
(My research is theoretical and does not need legions of graduate students.)
I have the privilege to not be fair in who I choose to work with.
However, once someone is my graduate student, I need to be fair to them even if they rub me the wrong way.
I'm reading a book called "Bounce" that describes how much performance is enhanced by (often baseless levels of) faith in oneself. It's depressing. Although the superstars might partially get where they are due to arrogance, which can be self-perpetuating, I think the more modest types have a dramatically better influence on the community and scientific progress. The arrogant people can be really damaging. I feel kind of lucky I escaped some of the people I met (even shared a lab with) during my first few years of grad school. It felt like nonstop "You're doing it wrong--here's how I do it." And worst is the myth that if you're sweating about a talk and skeptical of your results and unsure about a project, maybe you just don't have what it takes. It has taken me *years* to get over that. You already know about the gender dynamics here, too.
Great post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I'd be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Cheers!
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