Gaaaaah! So stressed out, so pissed, and it's no one's fault but mine. It's good that no one's around, as I may actually bite.
I am going to the NSF to yet another panel, and am having a really hard time forcing myself to go through the assigned proposals. Don't ask me why I am going to two panels in less than two months -- I am an idiot and a masochist, that's why.
The weather is gorgeous outside yet I am sitting in a darkened room in front of a computer feeling the blood pressure rising, going through people's proposals. And I don't even know why I am so pissed. Perhaps because yet again I have way too much to do and too little time to do it and have no one to blame but myself.
And it's not the fault of the poor proposers -- I know all too well how much hinges on this panel for each one of them.
I am a service sucker for punishment, that's what I am, trying to be a good citizen of the scientific community...
I am really sick of not having enough time to do anything I enjoy or anything of substance. There is so much crap flying at me all the effing time, just deflecting it is a full time job. This week alone (note: it's only Tuesday) I have already declined 5 requests to review papers. Five! WTF?!
I am organizing a conference in my subfield, now there's an exercise in pain. Hunting down poster boards, looking at menus, sending letters to people who need to apply for a visa. You guessed it, none of it requires a PhD. A faculty job it a surefire way to turn you from a scientist into an overpaid secretary.
I am getting stupider by the minute in this career of mine that's supposed to be the academic dream. And can't even go outside to walk in the sun.
Service sucks... the life out of you.